4 Reasons Why Muslim Men Shut Down
- You Talk Too Much
Avoid the unnecessary information and get to the point.
Men by nature tend to not be emotional talkers, unless it’s a topic they are fond of or a person their ego is safe with. Contrary to what women like to say about men, and that they don’t listen – they actually do. They listen very well, but only for a certain period of time.
Women tend to over-communicate. They go on and on about something which a man can neither fix, and with the chatter can no longer understand. He isn’t wired for the details. Men tend to like to keep things simple.
2.You Hit a Soft Spot
Don’t use “you”, but use “I” when discussing your emotions. It’s kinder to refer to yourself than someone else, because you risk being wrong.
If you want your husband to hear you and be open to you when you talk then realize he has feelings too. Just because men become quiet or harsh it doesn’t mean they don’t feel. In fact, the “meaner” he is, the likely the more hurt he is. Men are sensitive, but they don’t express it through tears. They express it through who they are willing to give their time and emotional thoughts to.
Because of our insecurities, we as women have trouble expressing our deep seeded needs without criticizing him. It goes something like this: “well you don’t care, that’s why I don’t do x,y,z!” – No, you don’t do x,y,z because you FEEL he doesn’t care, it’s because his actions (or lack of) are triggering a deep emotional gap in you. He may care deeply but you aren’t able to see or feel that.
So – emotional communication should look something like this: “I feel like you don’t care, which makes ME not want to do this, because I FEEL, I’m wasting my time.”
He can’t fault you for how you feel. The same way, you can’t tell him how he feels or doesn’t feel. When a man cares deeply and a woman says this, it hurts him a lot. He’ll shut down and turn ‘cold.’
3. You Aren’t Listening
A woman’s mind moves faster than a man’s (I don’t know if this is scientifically proven, but it seems that way). You have to slow down, sometimes in your eagerness/emotion, you’re missing obvious words your husband is expressing to you.
Men do express their needs, but their list of needs tend to be significantly shorter than women. One isn’t better than the other; that’s just the way it is. Having said that, men generally won’t keep harping about what they want, but at some point, they will tell you (normally when you’re mad and you won’t be listening). They’ll even show you, but if he’s cold, you’re not likely paying attention.
4. You’re Ignoring His Needs
No one likes rejection. Yes, not even a (hu)man.
Just as a woman wants her man to respond to her needs, preferably without asking (but not realistic) the same goes for a man. Eventually he will, in his own (sometimes twisted) ways express these needs of his, but you may ignore it. By ignoring his needs, you’re rejecting him, because this is important to him. He would not feel motivated to continue trying to please you, or listen to you, or be there the way you keep telling him to especially if you continue to keep ignoring what he’s telling you.
Marriage is not tit-for-tat, but it’s mutual understanding.
Consider his needs just as much as you consider your own needs.
Make marriage fun, that’s all it’s about!